home. puking in laundry basket.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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