Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
