And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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