Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
