So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
