you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
