I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
