wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
