You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
