Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
