Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
