so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
