The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
