My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
