Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need to calm my uterus...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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