We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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