Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
