Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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