Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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