Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We're too hungover to prance.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
