...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
