Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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