i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
