Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
