Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
