I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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