This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
