"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
