I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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