Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize