so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
