weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
