ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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