I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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