He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
