Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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