dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
