i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
