and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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