im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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