he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
