I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
