So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
