Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
