Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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