my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
