i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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