I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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