is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
