We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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