Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
