I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
