all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
