smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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