..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
