You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
