She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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