Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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