Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
