we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize