i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
