how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
