Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
