This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
