Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
