I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
