I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
