Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
