She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
