Porn is love you can see.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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