my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
