fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
