week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
