she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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