It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
do herpes really smell.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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