people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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