Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
